Writing difficult emails

What emails do you find hard to write?

We all find some emails difficult to write. For instance:

  • I hate following up overdue invoices.
  • I sometimes find it hard to say ‘no’.
  • I wish I never did anything I had to apologise for!
  • I am not always tactful when I give feedback to people on their writing (I tend to be too blunt).

Here are some tips I try and use if I think first and re-read before pressing ‘send’.

If you wish to improve your email skills, take my online course: emails@work: How to write effective business emails.

Following up

Not everyone responds promptly, but don’t send a reminder too soon after your original email. If your request is urgent, a follow-up phone call might be more appropriate than another email.

If you know that someone may be slow to respond, you can encourage them to respond promptly by:

  • Giving a specific date for a response rather than stating something vague such as ‘at your earliest convenience’
  • Explaining why you need the information (e.g. to complete a board paper)
  • Explaining the consequences of not receiving the information (e.g. tax penalties if a tax return isn’t filed on time)

If you know from past experience that someone may be slow to respond, you could set a reminder for yourself so you know when it’s time to follow up.

You could have a series of reminder options. For instance:

  • The first reminder could be a friendly email. (Just following up on the email I sent you last week about…)
  • The second reminder could be a phone call.
  • In the third reminder you could cc your manager. This doesn’t work if you’re a consultant or business owner, but you could cc the person’s manager.
  • The fourth time round, you could get your manager to ring or email them. If you’re a consultant or business owner, you’re stuck with polite nagging via phone and email!

Saying ‘no’

If you’re asked to do something you can’t or don’t want to do, you’re best to say so upfront rather than being ambivalent and leaving the door open. Some people will read between the lines and realise you’re saying ‘no’, but others might keep pursuing you for the answer they want. You may end up caving in and doing something you don’t want to do, or saying ‘no’ much more bluntly than you intended.

If you can, start with a positive opening before saying ‘no’.

Thank you asking me to be your mentor.

I regret that I am unable to. (clear refusal)

Rather than:

I am not sure that I can be your mentor at the moment. (This leaves the door open – maybe you could be a mentor later?)

Be honest about requests that make you feel uncomfortable, and perhaps make a suggestion that might help the person.

I’m not comfortable forwarding you the benchmarking report because it was given to me in confidence.

If you’d like a copy, I suggest you contact…

If you know the person well, a phone call might be an easier way to say ‘no’.

Apologising

There are different degrees of apology. If you forget to attach a document, a simple ‘apologies’ is sufficient, but if you inconvenience someone by forgetting to do something, a more sincere apology is required.

If you think your email apology is likely to be met with a ‘no worries’ response, then an email is an appropriate way to apologise.

Sorry I didn’t back to you earlier – I had a deadline to meet.

If the situation is more serious, then you may consider a phone call so you can gauge the other person’s response.

As with a ‘no’, an apology is best done promptly. When an apology occurs too long after the event, the person has often moved on and no longer cares or has hardened their attitude about the situation.

Put the word ‘sorry’ or ‘apologies’ in your subject line to increase your chances of your email being opened. Don’t cc other people into an apology email, but write it with the expectation that it may be forwarded.

If a situation is likely to escalate, you may need to seek advice from a manager about the wording of an apology. Although you may sympathise with the client about their situation, you may not wish to acknowledge responsibility in case your apology admits liability.

However, you can say you’re sorry without taking responsibility as long as it doesn’t come across as wishy-washy.

I apologise for the frustration caused by…

When you apologise, use words such as:

I apologise…
I am sorry…
I regret…
My apologies
Apologies

Giving critical feedback

Making a positive comment before you launch into your criticism often softens the blow.

Well done – you’ve written your first board paper. They’re not easy.

I have some suggestions on how you can get your message across more strongly and have marked up the document using track changes.

Avoid the word ‘but’ after a compliment. It is guaranteed to erase the compliment, which the reader won’t remember.

Lynn Gaertner-Johnson gives the following before and after example:

Before
Your ideas are excellent, but you are not communicating them clearly.

After
Your ideas are excellent – very creative and exciting. Here are some suggestions for communicating them more clearly.

Let me know your suggestions for handling these difficult emails.

Learn more

If you wish to improve your email skills, take my online course: emails@work: How to write effective business emails.

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